有什么秘密你不能跟任何人說(shuō)，因?yàn)檎f(shuō)了可能你這輩子就毀了？
What is your secret that you can''t tell anyone because it will probably ruin your life?
譯文簡(jiǎn)介
你猜我有沒(méi)有。
正文翻譯
What is your secret that you can't tell anyone because it will probably ruin your life?
有什么秘密你不能跟任何人說(shuō)，因?yàn)檎f(shuō)了可能你這輩子就毀了？
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
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That I don't really have imposter syndrome, I'm actually a fraud.
我真的不是什么冒名頂替綜合征。我就是個(gè)騙子。
Dude I'm with you. The very concept of imposter syndrome pre-supposes that you actually do have the qualifications that you fear you don't. I guess "fraud" is really the best way to describe it. I don't know about you, but most people in my life don't understand when I try to explain to them just how poorly suited I am for what I do. They don't want to believe that I'm actually incredibly incompetent.
兄弟我頂你。所謂的冒名頂替綜合征，這個(gè)概念假設(shè)你確實(shí)擁有那些必要的條件，只不過(guò)你害怕自己沒(méi)有。我猜可能“詐騙”才是用來(lái)形容這種感覺(jué)最合適的詞。我不知道你是什么情況，但我認(rèn)識(shí)的絕大多數(shù)人，在我向他們解釋我根本就不適合自己應(yīng)該做的事情的時(shí)候，他們根本就沒(méi)辦法理解我說(shuō)的話。他們不想相信我其實(shí)就是一個(gè)爛到難以置信的人。
A fellow developer, I see.
原來(lái)，你也寫代碼。
If you're an intern or junior dev, then you're paid to spend time learning, and maybe produce a bit of net positive output if you're junior. The bar is so low, that you can't really be a fraud, if you can code the most basic things, and learn in the process. And you can do the first part if you passed any technical interview at all.
如果你是個(gè)見(jiàn)習(xí)的，或者是剛?cè)肼毜能浖_(kāi)發(fā)人員，那么你其實(shí)就是在拿錢學(xué)習(xí)，你剛?cè)肼毜脑捇蛟S可能還會(huì)有點(diǎn)負(fù)產(chǎn)出。因?yàn)檫@行的門檻實(shí)在太低了，所以只要你能碼最基本的東西，并且能夠在過(guò)程中學(xué)習(xí)，那么你就不會(huì)是個(gè)騙子。并且只要你能通過(guò)任何技術(shù)上的面試，就意味著你通過(guò)了前半句話。
I hid the extent of my alcoholism from everyone since I was 15, I’m now 35 and 8 weeks sober. No one knows I’m sober now as they’ve never known I had an alcohol issue
從15歲以來(lái)，我就向所有人隱瞞了我酗酒的程度，我現(xiàn)在35歲，已經(jīng)戒酒八個(gè)禮拜了?，F(xiàn)在沒(méi)人知道我戒酒了，因?yàn)樗麄兏揪筒恢牢抑坝芯凭砂a的問(wèn)題。
This is me! I’m 27 and 95 days sober! No one in my life knows the extent of the drinking I did prior to getting pregnant in March. I plan to stay sober for my son when he is born and never go back to the place of hiding my alcoholism.
這就是我！我今年27歲，已經(jīng)戒酒95天了！這輩子沒(méi)有人知道我在3月份懷孕之前，究竟喝酒喝到了什么程度。我打算就算等到兒子生下來(lái)也要繼續(xù)戒下去，我再也不會(huì)回到之前那樣向別人隱瞞我的酒癮的生活了。
祝賀我成功戒酒兩個(gè)月。真的是件大事，并且難以置信！
I was also a high functioning alcoholic. I started at 17. The people who lived with me knew, but my coworkers and friends at the charity where I volunteered had no idea.
我曾經(jīng)也是個(gè)高功能性酒精成癮者。我是17歲開(kāi)始喝酒的。那些和我住在一起的人知道，但是和我一起在慈善機(jī)構(gòu)當(dāng)志愿者的那些同事和朋友們根本就不知道。
在我最終決定戒酒的時(shí)候，我從地球上消失了三個(gè)月。再也沒(méi)有聯(lián)系過(guò)任何人。直到回到上述的慈善機(jī)構(gòu)，向所有人解釋了我的情況，以及我失蹤的原因之后，很多人跟我說(shuō)我根本就不是個(gè)酒鬼，因?yàn)樗麄儚膩?lái)就沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)我喝醉。
我真的下了很大的勇氣才做到站在鏡子前承認(rèn)自己在25歲那年失控了。我坐在躺椅上，渾身出汗，死死地攥著扶手，攥到肩胛骨疼——因?yàn)槲抑?，如果我從椅子上站起?lái)，我就要走到酒水店里買酒了。我有好幾個(gè)星期，都直到半夜兩點(diǎn)才能睡覺(jué)。我知道，就算我想要安撫我的焦慮情緒，我也不能去買酒。
我知道當(dāng)你自己的戒酒監(jiān)督人有多么困難，堅(jiān)持八個(gè)禮拜實(shí)在是太牛逼了。
All my passwords are the same word with different combinations of numbers and punctuation marks
我的所有密碼字母都是一樣的，只不過(guò)數(shù)字和標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)的組合不同
I’m 40 and my parents have no idea that I never actually graduated college. I went for almost 6 years and never felt like I really knew what I was doing. School wasn’t necessarily hard for me but I just couldn’t bring myself to focus or be dedicated to it. My parents were SUPER obsessed with the idea that everyone needs a degree to get any decent job, so there was a ton of pressure and dropping out wasn’t an option. Sooo, I “graduated” in a winter semester and “decided not to walk the stage” since the December ceremony was always pretty small and I knew they wouldn’t think that was weird. This happened to be during the recession in the 2000s so I had an excuse for not finding a conventionally professional job right after that. Now, I actually have a really good job with a company that focuses on hiring people based on experience, skill, and personality, so it turns out I didn’t even need that degree. But I will never tell my parents the truth.
我今年40歲，我的父母從來(lái)都不知道我其實(shí)沒(méi)有真正大學(xué)畢業(yè)。我上了將近六年大學(xué)，但從來(lái)就沒(méi)覺(jué)得自己知道自己在干什么過(guò)。學(xué)校課程對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)其實(shí)不算太難，但哦我就是沒(méi)辦法讓自己集中注意力干這個(gè)，或者一心一意去學(xué)。我的父母特別相信每個(gè)人都應(yīng)該有學(xué)位才能找到體面的工作這件事，所以我背著成噸的壓力，輟學(xué)根本就沒(méi)的考慮。所以，我在一個(gè)冬季學(xué)期“畢業(yè)”了，并且“打算不走畢業(yè)典禮”，因?yàn)槎斓牡涠Y本來(lái)就挺小的，我知道他們不會(huì)覺(jué)得這很怪。
Oh my god dude. I’m in the same boat. I was going to type the same thing and I just wanted to see anyone else has the same secret. I just feel a little relieved that there’s someone else like me.
我的天哪兄弟。我也跟你一樣。我本來(lái)也想把同樣的東西發(fā)上去，看看有沒(méi)有人有和我一樣的秘密的?？吹秸娴挠腥撕臀乙粯?，我還覺(jué)得有點(diǎn)寬慰。
我的職位現(xiàn)在不錯(cuò)，并且我覺(jué)得我的這個(gè)秘密可能現(xiàn)在抖出來(lái)會(huì)讓所有人失望，所以我永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)提。
I caught a guy r#ping a girl yelling for help in a tent at a very loud bush party in my university days.
我上大學(xué)的時(shí)候，在一個(gè)非常吵鬧的林地派對(duì)里，曾經(jīng)撞到過(guò)一個(gè)男的強(qiáng)奸一個(gè)女的，女的在大喊救命。
我自己也喝醉了，于是就被怒火沖昏了頭腦，在他褲子都掛在腳踝上沒(méi)提起來(lái)的時(shí)候把他狠狠地揍了一頓，揍得他昏迷了好幾天。
除了指關(guān)節(jié)有點(diǎn)傷到了之外，我沒(méi)遇到任何后果，拍拍屁股就走了。帳篷里的那個(gè)女孩顯然是絕對(duì)不會(huì)說(shuō)的。
從那個(gè)男的的Facebook上看起來(lái)，他現(xiàn)在是兩個(gè)孩子的爹了，健康又幸福。他不知道我是誰(shuí)。
但我覺(jué)得我可能那天晚上差一點(diǎn)就用穴居人的手段殺了個(gè)人。
I just love how all of the stories here are either "on September 3rd at 2:37 am i went to a truck stop and murdered someone in the bathroom" or "my homemade cookies arent homemade"
我只是很喜歡帖子里的這些故事要么屬于“9月3號(hào)的凌晨2:37分我在一個(gè)貨車站的衛(wèi)生間里殺了一個(gè)人”，要么屬于“我的手工餅干其實(shí)不是手工的”
My girl scout cookies are made with real girl scouts.
我的老婆餅是用真老婆做的（譯注：意譯過(guò)頭了，對(duì)不起）
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
I think I’m not as nice as people believe I am. I am just acting according to social norms when in reality everything outside my home makes me feel tired and drained.
我覺(jué)得我可能并不像別人以為的那么好。我只不過(guò)是在根據(jù)社交規(guī)范來(lái)做事情而已，事實(shí)上我家之外的一切都只能讓我覺(jué)得疲倦而消耗精力。
That actually means you're nice. It probably means you're nicer than the average nice person, really.
其實(shí)這意味著你是個(gè)好人。說(shuō)實(shí)話，可能這意味著比你普通的好人還要再好一點(diǎn)。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
One of my closest family members offered me sex during one of the most mentally unstable times of his life. I wasn't interested, nothing else happened, and the topic never came up again. One of the main reasons why I haven't brought it up in-family is because his marriage is already unstable and I don't intend to make it worse.
我最親近的家庭成員之一曾經(jīng)在他精神最不穩(wěn)定的時(shí)候有一次向我求愛(ài)。我不感興趣，什么都沒(méi)發(fā)生，于是這個(gè)話題再也沒(méi)提起來(lái)過(guò)。我在家庭里沒(méi)提起這件事的主要原因之一，在于他的婚姻當(dāng)時(shí)已經(jīng)很不穩(wěn)定了，我不打算再推一把。
I have no idea what I’m doing at work.
我不知道我上班都在干啥。
This is what I think is wild. I went from working in a medium-sized group, wearing multiple hats and getting shit done. To working in a giant corporation where if I draft an email reply then send it at the end of the day, everybody claps for me.
我覺(jué)得這才是最讓我想不通的。我一開(kāi)始在中等體量的團(tuán)隊(duì)工作，同時(shí)干著好幾個(gè)崗位，把實(shí)事兒給辦了?，F(xiàn)在我在一個(gè)規(guī)模巨大的公司里工作，只要我能起草一封電子郵件的回信，下班之前發(fā)出去，所有人都為我鼓掌。
并且我掙得比之前干實(shí)事兒的時(shí)候還多。簡(jiǎn)直太瘋狂了。
現(xiàn)在我已經(jīng)習(xí)慣了，但是我還是不明白，我?guī)讉€(gè)小時(shí)就能做完的事兒，別人要花好幾個(gè)星期。并且他們那種才算正常。
You better not be a structural engineer
你最好別是個(gè)架構(gòu)工程師
He’s actually a pilot
他其實(shí)是個(gè)飛行員
The amount of time I spend clicking my mouse on my empty desktop and writing gibberish into a word doc (that I dexe at the end of the day), is shocking.
我在空白的桌面上點(diǎn)鼠標(biāo)，以及往Word文檔里寫一堆垃圾（下班的時(shí)候再刪掉）等事情上花的時(shí)間簡(jiǎn)直嚇人。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
I take typing tests when I'm in the office to make it seem like I'm doing something productive.
我在辦公室的時(shí)候就開(kāi)始打字測(cè)試，讓我看起來(lái)在做正事兒。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
有人路過(guò)的時(shí)候我就Alt+Tab切屏，從Reddit上切出去。預(yù)訂一個(gè)會(huì)議室看YouTube視頻或者打個(gè)盹。根本沒(méi)有上限。
I stopped working at work 1 year back. I have no idea what the fuck they want from me because I watch 12 hours of shows on my laptop and work for 30 minutes a day by attending a team huddle and staying on mute.
我一年前就不在上班的時(shí)候工作了。我根本就不知道他們讓我干什么，因?yàn)槲以诠P記本上看12個(gè)小時(shí)的視頻，然后工作30分鐘，內(nèi)容是參加一個(gè)團(tuán)隊(duì)會(huì)議，然后我把會(huì)議靜音。
3-4 years ago I was responsible for providing a few reports to different teams. Each month I'd generate the reports, format it in a presentable way for the team managers I was sending them to, and send them over. Nobody ever said anything about them, never a question about the data or even a reply to my email. So one month I just decided I wasn't going to send them, and then it turned into two months and three months. Nobody ever said a word about it so I just stopped doing it. Got promoted the following year.
三四年前我負(fù)責(zé)給不同的團(tuán)隊(duì)提交一些報(bào)告。每個(gè)月我都會(huì)生成這些報(bào)告，編輯成可以展示給團(tuán)隊(duì)的經(jīng)理們看的格式，然后發(fā)過(guò)去。根本沒(méi)有人說(shuō)過(guò)這些報(bào)告的事兒，從來(lái)沒(méi)有人給我的電子郵件發(fā)過(guò)回復(fù)，或者問(wèn)過(guò)數(shù)據(jù)。所以有一個(gè)月我決定再也不發(fā)了，然后一個(gè)月變成兩個(gè)月，又變成了三個(gè)月。根本沒(méi)有任何人說(shuō)過(guò)這件事，所以我就再也不干了。第二年我升職了。
Honestly best advice when you start a job like that is to stop sending reports and upxes, then see who notices.
說(shuō)實(shí)話，如果你剛開(kāi)始從事這種崗位的話，那我能給你最好的建議就是先停止發(fā)送這些報(bào)告和更新，然后看看誰(shuí)會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)。
太多的報(bào)告只是因?yàn)槟骋粋€(gè)經(jīng)理某一次沒(méi)有受到某條信息，然后尷尬了才提出的要求。
別再發(fā)了，看看什么事重要，誰(shuí)得一直伺候著，然后把精力放在真正有用的事情上。
Is this place hiring?
你們這兒還招人嗎？
I worked in an office with over 100 people and they started to have us track the most insignificant things that we did. It took as much time to track the action as to do the action, and the reality was that the action meant nothing but the new boss wanted it. After the first month I just changed the date on the top and sent the exact same thing in for the next two years.
我曾經(jīng)在一個(gè)有一百多個(gè)人的辦公室里工作過(guò)，他們開(kāi)始讓我們追蹤我們做過(guò)的那些最不重要的事情。我追蹤這些事情和做這些事情都要花同樣的時(shí)間，事實(shí)上就是這些事情根本就沒(méi)有任何意義，只是新老板想要罷了。過(guò)了第一個(gè)月之后，我干脆把日期改一下，然后在接下來(lái)的兩年里都發(fā)同樣的東西。
13年前我離職了，那個(gè)統(tǒng)計(jì)學(xué)魔怔人經(jīng)理是14年前離職的，我在想他們是不是還在這么做？
Five years before my stepdad died of Alzheimers and Leukemia, I noticed he was very quiet in the evenings when I visited him and my mom. I asked him "Why don't you want to talk a bit more?", to which he responded "If I don't say anything I can't say anything wrong."
我的繼父因?yàn)榘柶澓ＤY和白血病而去世的五年前，我去看他和我媽媽的時(shí)候，發(fā)現(xiàn)他特別安靜。我問(wèn)他“你怎么不多說(shuō)兩句？”，他回答說(shuō)，“我只要不說(shuō)話，就不會(huì)說(shuō)錯(cuò)話了。”
我以為他是害怕與我媽爭(zhēng)執(zhí)，所以我跟他說(shuō)他說(shuō)什么我都愿意聽(tīng)。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
在他去世之后我才明白為什么他這么說(shuō)。我有一次和他們吃午飯，他想問(wèn)我什么事，但是他用的動(dòng)詞完全不對(duì)，說(shuō)的都是不著邊際的話，每次他來(lái)這么一出的時(shí)候我媽媽都會(huì)開(kāi)始大笑，說(shuō)“哈哈哈，你說(shuō)的都是些什么怪話！”
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
她不知道自己的話有多居高臨下，因?yàn)樗恢浪?dāng)時(shí)已經(jīng)是癡呆晚期了（我們當(dāng)時(shí)沒(méi)人知道），她只不過(guò)是以為他犯下的錯(cuò)都是些小錯(cuò)而已。她也不知道這讓他特別難受，以至于他再也不說(shuō)話了，因?yàn)樗麩o(wú)法相信自己的語(yǔ)言能力，也無(wú)法相信自己的平衡感。
我永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)把這件事告訴我媽媽，就算我非常憤怒也不會(huì)。這樣的話我會(huì)給我和媽媽的關(guān)系造成無(wú)法挽回的傷害，她非常悼念我繼父。
編輯：對(duì)那些在這個(gè)帖子底下侮辱我的母親的無(wú)情的人，我要說(shuō)她一直陪著我的繼父到了最后，在療養(yǎng)院他的房間里陪著他坐著，有時(shí)他會(huì)在恐懼中嘶吼半個(gè)小時(shí)，因?yàn)樗懒俗约翰粩鄲夯牟∏?。那些日子本有可能徹底把她給毀了。她經(jīng)歷過(guò)的痛苦比我認(rèn)識(shí)的任何一個(gè)人都多，她年輕的時(shí)候還親眼看著自己的父親死于癌癥，所以你根本不知道她做出了多大的犧牲。
It’s not even about intention. My brain just doesn’t work that way. When people whom I’ve only met once remember my name, I’m genuinely floored.
這甚至都不是意圖的關(guān)系。我的腦子就壓根不是那么長(zhǎng)的。那些只跟我見(jiàn)過(guò)一次面卻能記住我名字的人，我是真的覺(jué)得他們牛逼。
While addicted to meth, I accidentally got caught up working for a Nazi gang in my hometown. They were just having me smurf and collect money for them, but by the time I realized what they were all about, they weren't about to let me just stop working. So I kept doing it until I was able to leave my hometown and make it out to tampa.
我以前溜冰的時(shí)候，在我的家鄉(xiāng)曾經(jīng)因?yàn)榻o納粹組織打工而被逮捕過(guò)。他們當(dāng)時(shí)只是讓我洗錢，收保護(hù)費(fèi)，但等到我發(fā)現(xiàn)他們真正在干什么的時(shí)候，他們就不會(huì)讓我走了。所以我只能接著干，直到我可以離開(kāi)自己家，跑到坦帕市。
我當(dāng)時(shí)干過(guò)的事可以讓我蹲20年的監(jiān)獄。我的家人幾乎都以為我當(dāng)時(shí)只是過(guò)著普通的混混日子。但他們根本就不知道，在那種毒販猖獗的鎮(zhèn)子里，你有多容易和大毒梟搭上線。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
I fall asleep every night in horror because my former best friend and I haven’t talked in 3 years because for her 21st birthday we both got massively blackout drunk and smoked I have no idea what happened that night. But she’s never answered a message I’ve sent since.
每天晚上我都只能在恐懼中入睡，因?yàn)槲液臀易詈玫呐笥岩呀?jīng)有三年沒(méi)說(shuō)過(guò)話了。在她21歲生日的那天，我們兩個(gè)都又喝又抽以至于斷片了，我根本就不知道那天晚上發(fā)生了什么。但是此后我發(fā)給她的消息她一條都沒(méi)回過(guò)我。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
·This kind of thing is what made me stop binge drinking years ago.
我就是因?yàn)檫@種事情，幾年前再也不喝大酒了。
第二天早上（或者下午）你醒過(guò)來(lái)，然后有人對(duì)你說(shuō)的第一件事就是，“你對(duì)昨晚的事兒到底還記得多少？”
你立刻就知道他無(wú)論說(shuō)什么，反正絕對(duì)不是好事兒。
我聽(tīng)的一個(gè)喜劇演員最近說(shuō)過(guò)，反正肯定不是“好消息，你昨晚喝斷片之后賺了五千塊錢！”
I have no real friends. My social media just makes it look like i do. I'm embarrassed and cover for certain things as I don't go out.
我沒(méi)有真正的朋友。我的社交媒體只不過(guò)是假裝我有朋友而已。我覺(jué)得很尷尬，得掩飾一些事情，因?yàn)槲也怀鲩T。
I haven''t asked my long term partner to marry me because I don''t know who I would invite to the wedding. Her side would be full. Mine would just be close family.
我沒(méi)有向長(zhǎng)期的伴侶求婚，就是因?yàn)槲也恢阑槎Y上我應(yīng)該請(qǐng)誰(shuí)過(guò)來(lái)。她那邊肯定滿了。我這邊只有家人。
I am a first generation American with families in Ireland and Australia. Loner type and I was in the same boat. Hubby had tons of friends and fam. I invited a few coworkers I liked and my two friends were in my bridal party with my sister.
我是個(gè)第一代美國(guó)移民，家人都在愛(ài)爾蘭和澳大利亞。都是獨(dú)批，我也一樣。但老公有一堆朋友和家人。我只邀請(qǐng)了幾個(gè)我喜歡的同事，我的兩個(gè)朋友和我姐姐。
我們的解決方案就是排座的時(shí)候沒(méi)有“X方親屬”。我們一共100個(gè)人，我只有四個(gè)家人，兩個(gè)朋友和八個(gè)同事，所以一共是14個(gè)人，他那邊86個(gè)。我們找了個(gè)能塞得下這么多人的場(chǎng)地，然后就沒(méi)管。結(jié)婚典禮已經(jīng)和過(guò)去的完全不一樣了。沒(méi)有必要非得按照標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的流程來(lái)。
You're worried about not having enough friends, and that's stopping you from marrying your best one? If you're ready for the step then I say ask her, dude. She won't care that there aren't 20+ extra guests to pay for.
你因?yàn)閾?dān)心朋友不夠多而不娶你最愛(ài)的那個(gè)人？如果你已經(jīng)準(zhǔn)備好這一步了，那我覺(jué)得就求婚吧，哥們。她是不會(huì)在乎少了二十多張嘴的。
I play most video games on easy mode. Then brag about how I’m so good to my wife who doesn’t know about games.
我打游戲只打簡(jiǎn)單模式。然后跟我不懂游戲的老婆吹自己有多牛逼。
My husband plays sandbox style in games that are absolutely not designed to do that. The amount of time he's spent not going on missions but instead petting horses and admiring art is hilarious.
我老公在那些根本就不是沙盒游戲的游戲里玩沙盒。他在不做任務(wù)去養(yǎng)馬看藝術(shù)品上花的時(shí)間多的可笑。
No cuz my bf allways makes sure that i know that he plays his games on very hard mode even if i dont know the difference, i make sure he knows i am very impressed
我男朋友永遠(yuǎn)會(huì)讓我知道他玩的是極難模式，哪怕我根本不知道區(qū)別，我也會(huì)讓他知道我覺(jué)得他很牛逼。
My childhood friend has 2 siblings that he doesn’t know exist…..they’re twins, around 2 years old now. I promised to keep it a secret, my dad and his dad are close friends. My dad is quite the gossip, and spilled every last detail to me. Apparently their father (handsome, tall, a sports prodigy) slept with a doctor who lied about being on birth control so that she could give birth to his children, who she claimed had “superior genetics”. She was his former doctor who pulled up his private records in order to score a date with him as she had all his contact info at hand. Never wanted child support or even a father in her kid’s lives, just an involuntary Sperm donor. Very weird.
我發(fā)小有兩個(gè)兄弟，他根本不知道這兩個(gè)人的存在……他們是雙胞胎，今年差不多兩歲了。我保證嚴(yán)守這個(gè)秘密，我爸和他爸是好朋友。我爸這人嘴特別碎，啥事都跟我講。顯然是他爸爸（又高又帥，運(yùn)動(dòng)天才）和一個(gè)大夫睡了，而大夫騙他自己避孕了，于是她生了他的孩子，因?yàn)樗f(shuō)他爸爸“有優(yōu)越的基因”。她曾經(jīng)給他看過(guò)病，查了他的私人病例，因?yàn)槭掷镉兴械穆?lián)系方式，所以撩上了。但她也從來(lái)沒(méi)要過(guò)撫養(yǎng)費(fèi)，甚至沒(méi)給孩子找過(guò)爸爸，他就這就么當(dāng)了個(gè)非自愿捐精者。很詭異。
Once after a hookup a chick asked me if I would donate my sperm because I'm handsome and she want to be a single mother and I wouldn't be legally bounded or anything. I just laughed, made an excuse to leave, grabbed my condom from the trash and left.
有次嫖完，妞問(wèn)我愿不愿意捐精，我很帥，她想當(dāng)單親媽媽，我也不會(huì)有法律責(zé)任什么的。我笑了，找了個(gè)借口出去一趟，從垃圾箱里把用過(guò)的避孕套拿出來(lái)走了。
I won the lotto. Haven't told anyone or changed my lifestyle. I'm still going to finish my degree in data science, so I can say my money is from a new job.
我中彩票了。沒(méi)告訴任何人，也沒(méi)改變我的生活方式。我仍然打算讀完數(shù)據(jù)科學(xué)學(xué)位，這樣我就可以說(shuō)錢是新工作掙的了。
編輯：謝謝你們的祝福！回答一些問(wèn)題。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
總額剛超過(guò)八位數(shù)。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
10美元隨便挑的。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
為什么學(xué)數(shù)科的要買彩票？我還沒(méi)干這一行呢，但只不過(guò)是偶爾想玩一玩。沒(méi)錯(cuò)，我知道概率很低。但那0.000000024%的概率說(shuō)不定就是你呢哈哈。
“That Data Science job must pay super good for our son. He just got his first check and purchased a $30 million dollar home in cash.”
“那份數(shù)據(jù)科學(xué)的工作肯定給咱兒子開(kāi)了不少。他剛領(lǐng)第一個(gè)工資，就全款買了棟三千萬(wàn)美元的房子?！?/b>
Fuck you and congrats !!
操你媽的，祝賀?。?！
I contemplate suicide daily, but my wife and daughter keep me going strong
我每天都在考慮自殺，但是我老婆和女兒在讓我堅(jiān)持。
After fleeing domestic violence and trying to make a new life, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, I'm fighting it but I'm just so tired of life. My last baby turns 18 this week and I feel like I've done all I'm supposed to. I'm sick of being strong for everyone else when all I want to do is go, I'm just so damn tired
在逃離了家庭暴力，嘗試過(guò)上新生活之后，我確診了乳腺癌晚期，我還在努力斗爭(zhēng)，但我實(shí)在是太累了。我的小孩子這星期已經(jīng)18歲了，我覺(jué)得我該干的已經(jīng)全都干完了。我實(shí)在不想為了別人再堅(jiān)強(qiáng)下去了，我只想走，我太他媽累了。
My 54 year old secret would ruin several lives. My childhood best friend’s little brother is actually my son, and his children are my grandchildren.
我這個(gè)瞞了54年的秘密可能會(huì)毀掉不止一個(gè)人的人生。我發(fā)小的小弟弟其實(shí)是我兒子，并且他的孩子其實(shí)是我的孫子。
Dude fucked his friend’s mom
哥們把他朋友的媽給草了
My interactions with people is almost 90% scxted just to fit in certain situations. I just picked up habits and routines of the people around me that I've noticed that worked to be successful in human interaction. I don't care about anything and barely about anyone else. I enjoy company, but I don't need it. I do have friends and family around me but I don't have a need for them in particular. Might be an undiagnosed Psycho or something but I do feel certain feelings.
我和別人之間的交流幾乎有90%都是為了適合某些場(chǎng)景而自動(dòng)執(zhí)行的。我只是學(xué)會(huì)了周圍那些人際交往過(guò)程中比較成功的人的習(xí)慣。我自己根本就什么也不在乎，也不在乎其他任何人。我喜歡陪伴，但我不需要。我有朋友和家人陪著我，但我也不特別需要他們?？赡芪揖褪莻€(gè)沒(méi)確診的精神病之類的吧，但我確實(shí)有些感覺(jué)。
如果我表現(xiàn)出自己自然的樣子的話，我可能找不到好的工作，也不會(huì)有好朋友?？赡芨纱嗑鸵患彝ペs出去了吧。
I once jacked off to a picture of George W Bush’s bulge when I was like 12
我差不多12歲的時(shí)候曾經(jīng)對(duì)著小布什總統(tǒng)的褲襠的照片擼過(guò)一發(fā)
Jesus. That's dark.
我草。這有點(diǎn)黑暗了。
Somehow this is the worst one I’ve read so far
某種意義上這是我讀過(guò)的最糟糕的一條。
I didn't stop doing martial arts because I was annoyed that they took in a kids group and we were expected to help coach them while still paying for our own classes.
我不學(xué)武術(shù)了，不是因?yàn)樗麄冮_(kāi)了個(gè)兒童班，我們得一邊花錢上我們自己的課一邊還得教他們。
我不學(xué)了是因?yàn)楦鷦e的男人打架的時(shí)候我硬得跟烙鐵一樣，我不想在這種情況下和孩子們互動(dòng)。
然后我才意識(shí)到，他們只是覺(jué)得自己是在打架，而我跟別的男人打架是在滿足自己的性欲，這件事究竟有他媽多離譜。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
所以打架這件事本身變得讓我羞恥，讓我惡心。我就不打了。
Scariest mother fucker to fight is the one with a boner
干仗的時(shí)候最嚇人的就是那個(gè)頂著帳篷的
I sometimes have the strong urge to run away from my life, and start over. It may not ruin it but won’t be good
我有時(shí)候有種特別強(qiáng)烈的欲望，想逃離我的生活，重新開(kāi)始。或許不會(huì)毀掉一切，但肯定也不會(huì)好到哪去。
I've had the same idea for years. I've planned out details for years in my head like where I would go, how I would fake my death, how to get away with it, ect. lol it's fun to think about but idk if I would ever act on it.
我也這么想過(guò)好幾年。我甚至在腦子里計(jì)劃了好幾年細(xì)節(jié)，比如我要去哪，怎么假冒我的死亡，怎么習(xí)慣這件事，想一想還是挺有意思的，但我不知道我會(huì)不會(huì)行動(dòng)起來(lái)。
I'm a nurse. I take care of people for a living. IRL, I can't even take care of myself.
我是個(gè)護(hù)士。我靠照顧別人掙錢。實(shí)際上，我連自己都照顧不明白。
我的房子其實(shí)都要塌了，因?yàn)槲覈?yán)重抑郁，我只能放著那些小事不管讓它們變成大事。我唯一的希望就是這個(gè)房子趕緊塌了之類的。
我試過(guò)15次自殺?，F(xiàn)在我好點(diǎn)了，我已經(jīng)有好幾年沒(méi)這么想過(guò)了，但我很確定護(hù)理委員會(huì)肯定不會(huì)喜歡這么多自殺未遂。
我破產(chǎn)了。我掙得不少，但當(dāng)護(hù)士之前我過(guò)著遠(yuǎn)低于貧困線水平的生活?，F(xiàn)在我的債務(wù)仍然能埋到眉毛。
我希望我前任能遭報(bào)應(yīng)。我喜歡現(xiàn)在的生活，但他曾經(jīng)把我的生活毀過(guò)很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間。他傷害我和我的家人的方式給我留下了永久的創(chuàng)傷。
我在工作崗位上很有趣也很外向，我的病人們都喜歡我，但我寧愿在家里安靜地坐著。
所以，沒(méi)什么特別瘋狂的，但可能足夠讓我掙不到錢，從而毀掉我的生活。
At Christmas, my family LOVES my homemade eggnog. It's just high-end store bought eggnog and I put in 1-2 tiny pieces of eggshell to make it look like they were "missed" when I "strained" the eggnog.
每年圣誕節(jié)，家里人都特別喜歡我的自制蛋奶酒。其實(shí)只不過(guò)是高端店里買的，我往里放一兩片特別小的蛋殼，讓它看起來(lái)像是我“做”蛋奶酒的時(shí)候“不小心”混進(jìn)去的。
The fucking eggshell is psycho/genius. I love it hahahaha
他媽的蛋殼簡(jiǎn)直聰明瘋了。我太喜歡了哈哈哈哈
I hope the company that makes "your" eggnog stays in business until its your time to go or you are going to have to come up with a reeeeal good cover story.
我希望那個(gè)做“你家”蛋奶酒的公司能一直開(kāi)到你離開(kāi)那天，要不然你就得想一個(gè)特——?jiǎng)e好的故事來(lái)瞞過(guò)去了。
You know they just don't make cinnamon like they used to. What are you gonna do?
“他們?cè)绮幌褚郧澳菢幼龉鹌ち四阒腊?。你說(shuō)咋整？”
在解釋我的烹飪能力極度不穩(wěn)定這方面，我訓(xùn)練有素。
Those cookies I bought to the company picnic were store bought from a small bakery in town. Then I put them in my Tupperware. See you in hell.
我?guī)У焦疽安蜁?huì)的手工曲奇其實(shí)是從鎮(zhèn)子上的小曲奇店里買的。然后我放進(jìn)保鮮盒里。地獄見(jiàn)。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處
I left my job at an electronics manufacturing company in 2002, but they continued paying me my full salary, including all incremental raises and annual bonus until they offered me a very generous redundancy package in 2022 due to 'departmental restructuring', including an ￡85,000 lump sum contribution to my pension fund. I even got the quarterly magazine and annual Christmas card sent to me.
2002年我從一家電子廠離職了，但他們?nèi)匀辉诟督o我全款的薪水，包括所有的提薪和年終獎(jiǎng)，直到2022年因?yàn)椤安块T重組”他們給我發(fā)了一份非常慷慨的離職補(bǔ)償，包括給我的退休金里加上85000英鎊的一次性補(bǔ)貼。我甚至還能收到他們的季度雜志和圣誕賀卡。
今年（2023年）三月，我還受到邀請(qǐng)參加他們的75周年紀(jì)念典禮，我就去了，在免費(fèi)酒吧好好享受了一番，沒(méi)人發(fā)現(xiàn)我已經(jīng)二十多年沒(méi)工作過(guò)了。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.flyercoupe.com 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處